Scars Go Deep

Vulnerability is one of the hardest places for people to go within themselves.  It means that you have to admit when you have been wrong.  It means you have to show your scars and your wounds.  Being vulnerable means allowing yourself to be seen for exactly who you are.  Just as Brene Brown discusses, you cannot make deep, meaningful, connections without being vulnerable, and usually that means showing people your weak spots.  We all struggle with being vulnerable because we have learned, over time, to build walls.  We have been taught, either directly or through society, that emotions are meant to be hidden, and that you cannot show any weakness.  I think that is the issue.  People associate weakness with vulnerability.  But in my experience, it is the strongest people who allow themselves to be vulnerable, because they know even after allowing someone to see them for exactly who they are that they can continue on living and succeeding.  Weakness, in my opinion, is when someone is too afraid to be vulnerable.  Vulnerability can be difficult.  It can make people defensive and, depending on the person, even depressed.  Sometimes people don't actually deal with these vulnerable spots.  But on the other end, vulnerability can allow people to overcome their greatest fears.  It can allow people grow and realize their full potential.  But most importantly, it is the absolute key catalyst in creating the most deep and meaningful relationships.  The people I feel closest too are the people who have held me while I've cried, listened to my fears, and shown me their true selves as well.  Most people are like Brene Brown, instead of embracing vulnerability they push away from it.  But the world would ultimately be a better, happier place if we all just leaned into the vulnerability a little bit more.

Feels and ish

I think it is difficult to sit down and really state explicitly what my values are, there are definitely somethings that can be said but to me these feelings are mostly innate.  I value time, time with my friends/families, time with myself, time is so precious and we so rarely think of it.  I ask for honesty at all times about all things because I will do my best to always be honest about my thoughts and feelings.  I look for selflessness because I think that the world is already to selfish.  I look for trust in all aspects because there is a lack of trustworthy people to me.  I value a sense of what is right and what is wrong and where to draw the line.  I look for these, and many more traits, in my friends because, to me, these make the best and most meaningful relationships.  And I live these, to the best of my ability, everyday, even to a fault.  I am always honest about how I am feeling, and many times it has forced people out because I am too emotional.  I have made many enemies and conflicts because I stand firmly to what I believe is right or wrong.  I have heard many heart-breaking secrets because my friends find me trustworthy.  I hate saying these things because, well, frankly that's just how I operate.  And the biggest struggle I find is not being true to my value but being true to myself.  I struggle to trust in my relationships, especially the people I call my best friends.  It has a lot to do with past experience but also because I try to give 150% and that can be a lot to people.  And sometimes it hurts when it isn't returned, and it makes me feel like people don't care about me.  But everyone is different and I have to trust in myself first to trust in these people.